525,600 Minutes

..... I'm too sexy for these shorts .....

Too sexy for these shorts, oh shorty, oh shorty shorts!

Congratulations to my pal, MammaDuff on her winning entry.  The competition was fierce but in the end, JillyD's love of the '80's won out in the end.  Who doesn't love Right Said Fred?  Show of hands - who knew Right Said Fred sang, "I'm Too Sexy?"  See the useless shit that I carry around in my brain?  It's very sad.  But that one hit wonder, "I'm Too Sexy" really seemed to capture the essence of the photo, wouldn't you agree?  No?  How about in an ironic sort of way?  Are you picking up what I'm laying down?

MammaDuff - your prize, if you choose to accept it, is a personal lunch with JillyD.  Hell no, I'm not making it but I'll buy it.  How about a nice fare at The French Laundry to celebrate your victory?  What say you? 

Honorable mentions go to my always witty brother-in-law, Wyseguy for his entry of "I told you this sign means bunt the ball!"  I also nearly peed my own pants with Triple L's, "But coach, I realllllllly have to peeeeeee!!!!"  Very funny!  Sadly enough, Band Camp was right on target with her "I need to work on my tan lines."  That's exactly what this freak kept saying to all of us in the bleachers.

A little background on the photo.  As you probably surmised, this was an umpire at one of The Girl & KateyBug's games this past weekend.  Apparently he had a chafing issue because he managed to strike this pose about 900 times in the course of an hour and a half game.  He also fondled his "area" a lot and he officiated the game in flip flops.  He was a whacko and had no business being on a field with ten year old girls.  I managed to snap the picture as fodder for the blog but I believe it may be used to get him fired as well.  One less freak on the street is what I say.  Move along, weirdo and take your flip flops & polyester shorts with you.

Congratulations again to MammaDuff and thanks to everyone for playing.  And thanks for suffering through the picture with me.  Don't you feel like we're all so much closer after bonding over that photo?  I know I do.

Give That Photo a Name Contest: Softball Season

As all good things must come to an end, so shall our softball season.  Not only are we mourning the death of Grandpa Larry but the end of our fabulous season as well.  We heart softball and when it's over we cry.  Until we start to review all of our photos from the tournaments and come across something that looks like this.  Then we're highly disturbed and feel the need to share it with all of our blog readers so that they can cheer us up by coming up with a witty, yet charming description of this photo:

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to give this photo a name.  One entry per person, please.  You'll have from 9:00 am to 9:00 pm Eastern time to come up with something fitting for this photo.  After you've done so, feel free to pour bleach in your eyes to remove the image that has burned itself into your retinas.

The winner will be announced on Wednesday, August 1st!  Good luck everyone!

Don't worry, I'm sure they have a booster seat for the chairs.....

Congratulations to this month's winner, WyseGuy!  For those of you who don't know WyseGuy, he's my brother-in-law.  And a wyseguy he is, indeed!  He captured the very protective nature of Triple L with his "don't worry" comment and poked a little fun at McD Shor-tay's slightness in stature knowing full well that she does indeed require a booster chair at restaurants & salons alike. 

Well done, WyseGuy - you make me proud to share holidays & other family celebrations with you!

Your prize is a $20 gift card to Starbucks where you can order a short somethin' somethin' or maybe a tall strawberry & creme frappucino with extra whipped cream.  Whatever you want - just think of me when you order and put an emphasis on the "short" or "tall" just for fun.  The clerk will have no idea why you are howling with laughter but I will - it will be our little secret.  And if you guys don't have a Starbucks by you, I'll have to bastardize the prize and make it a gift card to Tim Horton's or somewhere much less desirable.  Email me and let me know what you prefer...

Honorable mentions go out to WyseGuy's wife, Band Camp for her very witty, "What do you mean I don't get the "kid's haircut" discount?!!"  Band Camp, make sure that WyseGuy shares some of his prize with you because you guys were so close.  I nearly had to pick the winner by "eeney, meenie, miney, mo" since I liked them both so much.  But the "don't worry" part gave WyseGuy the slightest of edge.  Excellent work, Band Camp - I'm proud of you.

I also loved the "Jumbo Shrimp" caption by Justin (who's moniker should be Soccer Star or something as equally prententious - we need to work on that) as well as Yo's, "Hey Lady!  Did you know your shoes are two different colors; you probably can't tell from waaaaaay up there!"  And McD Shor-tay's, "Please protect me, Gentle Giant" was most enjoyable.  Last but not least, Mo's "DARE" program comment made me think that she was hiding out in the backroom watching the debauchery take place in real time.  It made me physically afraid for a brief moment.

But alas, there can only be one winner and this month, the crown is granted to WyseGuy.  March 1st must be WyseGuy's lucky day.  His oldest daughter (and one of the two nieces that I adore) was born 18 years ago today.  WyseGuy has an 18 year old - I guess that makes him an old WyseGuy, doesn't it?

Congratulations to our winner and thanks to everyone who participated.  You guys are an absolute hoot and I loved, loved & triple loved seeing some new faces participate.  A big JillyD welcome to Justin (we really need to work on that name, dude), Big B (Triple L's hubby) and Triple L herself.  Thanks for being a great sport and one of the featured models on the site yesterday.  Hope you guys stick around and continue to join in on the fun!

Pencils Down!

Time's up!  My handy & handsome assistant, Mach One is currently printing up your entries for my viewing pleasure.  Photo contest entries and American Idol ~ can you say "perfect evening?"

Thanks to everyone who participated!  I'm going to change into my Depends and make my decision.

See everyone tomorrow morning!

Name that Photo & Win a Prize: Contest 2

It's been nearly a week since this photo was taken - and dammit, it needs a title!

Who are you looking at, you ask?  Long-Legged Lynn (who has beautiful toes, I might add) and McD Shor-tay (who's hair looks quite stunning, wouldn't you agree?)  For those engineering types (and you know who you are) the height differential between Triple L and McD Shor-tay is approximately 15 inches.  Triple L could actually pluck McD off the ground and carry her around in her pocket if she so chose to.  Who knows - a picture of that might just be the subject of Contest 3.

But Contest 2 is here & now.  Your mission, if you choose to accept, is to give this photo the funniest damn name you can think of.  The one that I deem as the damn funniest is the winner - it's as simple as that.

On your mark, get set, GO!

How 'bout another contest?

Who's up for another "give that photo a name" contest?  Anyone, anyone, Bueller?

Here's the deal - to celebrate the end of the shortest month of the year and to mourn the loss of my beloved Diet Coke during the longest Lenten season that the world has ever known, JillyD is holding another contest for my beloved readers.  That's you guys, in case you were wondering.

The rules are the same as last time.  I could type them again but I'm far too lazy for that - not to mention that it's been nearly a week without Diet Coke - I'm slightly sluggish and experiencing withdrawal tremors so the less typing the better.  But in a nutshell - I'll post a picture tomorrow morning at 9:00 am EST.  You have until 9:00 pm EST (that's a full 12 hours) to come up with a caption for the photo.  Not a paragraph or poem or haiku - a one sentence caption.  The goal is to make me pee my pants laughing.  And since I'm getting a little incontinent in my old age, that shouldn't be too difficult.

The winning caption will win a fabulous prize - but once again, the prize is a sur-prize and no amount of bribing or torture by plying me with Diet Coke will break me.  Come to think of it, the Diet Coke actually may break me - skip that ok...

The winner will be announced on Thursday morning.  A show of hands - how many of us can hardly wait for this moment?  And just a small clue - I've given you a couple hints as to the nature of the featured photo.  And no, it's not a can of Diet Coke...

If you have any questions, shoot me an email.  If not, good luck & let the games begin (at 9:00 am tomorrow Eastern Standard Time!)

Yes, I AM six years old - don't let the mustache fool you. I'm winning this race!

Congratulations to The Boy's birthday buddy - Sassy!  Sassy's entry made me howl with laughter because I act like I'm six on a regular basis AND it conveys my competitive nature as well.  It's not out of the realm of possibility that I would don a rubber nose & mustache and try to beat all the kindergarteners in a Big Wheel race!

ALL of the entries were fantabulous!  Honorable mentions go to planoPete for his politically incorrect "Special Olympics Welcomes Returning Gold Medalist" and Uncle Garr's "No on will recognize me in this disguise, as I go get my hair permed ... again."  Ah yes, the overly permed hair couldn't go without a shout out now, could it?  Really & truly - you people are damn funny!  It was very hard to narrow it down to just one winner.  You're all winners in my book ~ maybe not all prize winning winners, but winners nonetheless.

Speaking of prizes.  Sassy wins a $20.00 gift card to Panera Bread, courtesy of JillyD.  Not quite as fabulous as a $350 camera but a close second, wouldn't you agree?

A few details about our winner.  Sassy is one of my bestest friends - and generally doesn't win contests.  I know this because I'm usually the contest winner in our annual "Who Said That" game that is planned and orchestrated by our boss, Debbie Dot (who also gets an honorable mention for her Roller Disco caption!)  I was positively giddy when Sassy's name was unveiled.  I love her - a lot.  So much so that I gave birth to my son on the very day that she was born - 32 years later - just to prove how much I love her.  If that's not a true friend, I'm not sure what is...

Congratulations again to Sassy and thanks to ALL of you for playing along.  I think this may become a regular event on 525,600 Minutes just because it was so damn fun!  Thanks for making me laugh today.  I had a blast & I hope you did too! 

Time's Up!

Ok class, pencils down!  The first "Give That Photo a Name" contest is officially over.  Thank you to all my favorite fans who took the time to particpate - you guys rock!  I can't wait to read all of your entries and laugh my can off - all due to your wit & charm!

And just to be fair, my handy assistant, Mach One is going to print up the entries and black out the names to protect the innocent.  Actually, he's going to do it to make the judging process completely fair.  And don't worry about the fact that he's sleeping with the judge - no special treatment for him, no sir!

The winning caption will be posted tomorrow morning at 9:00 am - along with the reveal of the fabulous prize.  It's really not that fabulous - but it's a prize, nonetheless!

Thanks again for playing along - I hope you had fun!  I know I did!

Name That Photo & Win a Prize: Contest 1

Here's the moment that you've all been waiting for - the mystery photo has been revealed.  All I can tell you about this photo is that it is in fact, JillyD - circa 1988-1989.  I'm not quite sure what I was doing or why.  I can only hope that it was for charity...

This photo has been without a name for far too many years.  Put your thinkin' caps on and don't hold back.  The best entry, based solely on the discretion of JillyD herself, will win a fabulous prize.  You'll also be added to the Winner's Hall of Fame and go down in infamy for being the virgin contest winner.  I'm offering you a chance to recapture your virginity - however, that's NOT the fabulous prize.  The winner will be announced on Friday morning - can you even stand the suspense?

Good luck one & all.  And may the best caption win!

Pay It Forward

As hard as it is to believe, tomorrow marks the one month anniversary of JillyD's blog.  I told you that you wouldn't believe it!  Thirty one days have past and thirty one entries have been written.  Ok, many not quite thirty one - I've been sick and oozing pus, people.  Cut me some slack, would ya?  To celebrate this momentous event - and it is momentous - I've decided to "pay it forward" so to speak.  What the hell am I talking about, you ask?  Let me explain...

My inspiration to begin blogging came from Ree, The Pioneer Woman.  So many of you have asked how I know Ree and where I met her.  The truth of the matter is this - I don't know her and I've never met her.  But stop with the liar, liar pants on fire, please.  Despite the fact that I only know her through her blog, I connected with her immediately.  I don't live on a ranch or castrate calves but I adore my husband and would go to the ends of the earth for my children - much like this stranger so far away.  It's the beauty of the human experience.  You don't have to know a person to be able to relate to or even like them.  And I like Ree - I like her a lot.  I like her even more because she holds these contests on her blogs called "Give that Photo a Name!"  Ree posts these fabulous - or not so fabulous - pictures on her blog and plies her fans into participation by offering a prize.  No gimmick or sales pitch or future telemarketing call.  Just a fun contest that results in a fun prize.

Guess who won the final contest in 2006?  And guess who not only won the contest but walked away with the most fabulous prize in the form of a $350 camera?  You can read about the day that JillyD became a winner on Ree's site.  This is where the pay it forward concept comes into play.

Are we all familiar with "pay it forward?"  Similar to a random act of kindness?  I believe there was a movie called Pay It Forward that starred (and I'm using the term loosely) the creepy "I see dead people" kid and a few other people who I don't know.  I never saw the movie and never will - like I said, that kid is creepy.  But I like the pay it forward concept.  Somebody does something nice for you (or me, as it were) and you (or me) continues that act of nicety and perpetuates peace & love throughout the world.  Sounds simple, doesn't it?  So here's the deal; in honor of the first month anniversary of 525,6000 Minutes, JillyD will be hosting her very own "Give that Photo a Name Contest!"  Hopefully Ree will be of the philosophy that imitation is the greatest form of flattery.  Either that or she'll ban my IP address from her site because I'm a copy cat.  Let's hope it's the former rather than the latter.

Here's how it works: At 9:00 am on Thursday, February 1st, a photo will be presented to you.  Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to give that photo a caption.  In other words, give the photo a name!  You will have from 9:00 am - 9:00 pm EST (that would be Eastern Standard Time) to put on your thinking caps or dunce caps or whatever kind of caps you have and come up with a name for the mystery photo.  Since I'm the judge, the wittier and more male adolescent humor-like it is, the more likely your chance will be of winning.  And what's a winner without a prize?  Ah yes, there will be a prize.  But the prize is a sur-prize and will be announced at the end of the contest.  I won't tell you what it is but I will tell you want it isn't.  It is not a fabulous, new $350 camera.  I won that bad boy fair & square and I'm not giving it up.  But there will be something in it for you, don't you worry!  Now here's the hardest part - at least for some of you.  You HAVE to de-lurk and leave your entry in the comment section to play.  See the link that says "comments" down at the bottom?  Click it.  And then fill out the information - I promise I won't sell it to a roving tribe of gypsys or Hilary Clinton's campaign manager.  And then in the big "comments" block, enter your prize winning caption.  It's that simple.  I promise it won't cause you to sprout tufts of hair from your ears or experience sporadic diarrhea for the rest of your life - it's pain free, honest.  And maybe, just maybe, you'll think it's fun.  JillyD is all about fun, is she not?  Oh, one more thing - only one entry per person.  So don't submit some lame ass caption and then come back with something brilliant because I'll have to go with the lame ass one.  Rules are rules, ya know.

Ok, any questions?  If you have any, email me before tomorrow morning.  If not, let the games begin!  I can't wait to see what my fabulous friends and virtual friends come up with!  See ya tomorrow!