The HP in this case is Harry Potter as opposed to say, Hewlett Packard. Not that I have a moral aversion to Hewlett Packard. I have a lovely HP Photosmart 1115 printer that I use on a semi-regular basis. But I don't heart Hewlett Packard. I do heart Harry Potter - a lot.
The whole fam damily headed out to see HP & The Order of the Phoenix yesterday morning. We were so giddy you would have thought we were headed to DisneyWorld for crap sake. And 2 hours & 10 minutes later, we weren't disappointed. It was awesome - two thumbs up from JillyD. It was scary as hell though - or at least a few parts were. I looked over at The Boy a couple of times and he had his hands covering his ears. When he gets scared, he covers his ears - strange one, he is. He did have his eyes covered at one point. That would be when Harry & Cho decided to do a little smooching. I think The Boy started making gagging sounds at that point too. For all you Harry Potter fans, I do have a few questions I'm going to pose below. Feel free to leave your answers or witty retorts in the comments.
Where the hell are Hermione's parents? Now I realize that Hermione is a mudblood and all but for God sake - where the hell are her parents? She's damn near been killed ever year that she's attended Hogwarts. There was Quirrell and the crazy ass chess game and let's not forget the petrification from the Basilisk. Wouldn't you think her parents would maybe tell her to stop chumming it up with Harry & Ron? She could make it in the Muggle world - work in a bank or selling shoes or some shit. But there's never any mention of her parents and she's always with The Weasely's. They already have like 100 kids plus Harry who really is an orphan. They need to tell Hermione to get lost. Go home and let your parents feed you for a change.
Why do the DeathEaters look like Hannibal Lector's cousins? We got the first glimpse of the Deatheaters in Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. They were kind of like extra creepy Ku Klux Klan freaks - except they were cloaked in black instead of white and they wore these skeletal-like masks to hide their identity. Now if you aren't well versed in Deatheaters, they are followers of Lord Voldemort. If you don't know who Lord Voldemort is, you're a lost cause. You might want to stop reading now and just wait for tomorrow's blog. Anywho - the Deatheaters in the Order of the Phoenix (OOTP for short) wore these crazy ass Hannibal Lector masks. Remember Hannibal? Hannibal the Cannibal? Silence of the Lambs? That was the most disgusting movie I've ever seen. Did you realize that the freak on a leash in the jail cell tossed a handful of semen at Jodie Foster in the beginning of the movie? Yeah, neither did I until a few years after the fact. I thought he hocked a big loogie at her. That would have been a better option, really. Back to OOTP. The costume people changed the Deatheater's masks - and not for the better. JillyD is predicting no Oscar in the category of costume design for the Deatheaters. Lucky for them they have two more movies to redeem themselves.
What the hell happened to Lord Voldemort's nose? It's not existent. Is it hanging out with Hermione's non-existent parents? Now I know that Voldy has been to hell & back - literally. Lord knows he needs to stay there the next time. He's hung out in Quirrel's turban and that moron Wormtail chopped off his own hand to breathe new life into Voldy. Maybe Wormtail should have chopped off his nose so that Voldy could have been better looking. Not that you want the villian to be hot or anything - just sayin'. I realize that there is a connection between Voldemort and snakes. He is a parseltongue after all. But so is Harry and puberty has been very kind to Harry, if I do say so myself. Anyway, my point - and I do have one - is that Voldemort looks like a horse's ass. Actually more like a snake's ass. Someone's ass - I'm just not sure who's ass he looks like.
Aside from these burning questions, HP & The OOTP rocks the house. Definitely worth the $50 that it cost us to entertain the family on a rainy Saturday morning. The majority of the $50 was spent at the concession stand - just sayin'. And there's something even more exciting then HP & The OOTP. That would be HP & TDH - or Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows for those of you who have been in a coma for the last 5 years. The realease date for HP & TDH is Friday, 7/21/07 at 12:01 pm. So I guess that makes it Saturday, 7/22/07. In my youth, I would have camped out at the nearest bookstore to get my copy, hot off the press. Now that I'm old & well connected, I'm having it hand delivered by my friend, WonderWoman. WonderWoman owns a bookstore, among other things, and will be delivering my copy to a local softball diamond near me. Let's hope I can concentrate on the game knowing the book is inches away from my sweaty paws. Self control isn't one of JillyD's greatest virtues.
Pray for me, would ya?