And no, I'm not talking about the wretch that is me. What the hell is a wretch? Is it like a wench? I know a wench. She's nocturnal and she's uber cool. But I'm guessing that a wretch isn't uber cool. Wretch. Isn't that like puke? So let's use it in a sentence, shall we? "JillyD had one too many margaritas which made her wretch her guts out all night long." That didn't really happen. JillyD can hold her liquor ~ just sayin'. But is the song really saying "saved a puke like me?" I'm thinking, no. But who gives a shit? This has nothing to do with puking or wretching or blowing chunks or whatever your preferred term for vomiting might be. Thank God ~ the talk of vomiting makes me throw up a little in my mouth.
What I'm talking about is the Nintendo DS. It once was lost but now it's found. Which just made my freakin' day because the thought of shelling out another $129.99 for another bitch of a game was making me wretch a little. See? There is a connection. And you thought JillyD was random.
About a month ago, The Boy lost his Nintendo DS. Which was a disaster of epic proportions since he loves that thing as much as he loves his own penis. Maybe more. Ok, maybe not. But he loves that damn thing. And I love it because it makes my life a hell of a lot easier. Yes, I'm a lazy ass parent. That's why I didn't breastfeed. Because I'm lazy. And selfish. And least I can admit my own character flaws, right? Back to the Land of the Lost. So one day, The Boy notifies me that he has no effin' idea where the Nintendo DS is. No.idea. I almost shit a brick at that moment. Not only was I out 100 bucks but what the hell was going to keep him entertained during The Girl's various and sundry sporting events? If you're thinking it should be me, my response is "What the hell?" I'm watching the various and sundry sports being played. Entertaining The Boy is not top on my list of priorities at those moments. See, I told you I was selfish. Didn't believe me, did you? It's true.
The last place we remembered see the damn game was at the orthodontist when The Girl was being equipped with the braces that cost $5800. She damn well better not lose those ~ just sayin'. So I call the orthodontist and they say the don't have it. I don't believe them. And quite frankly, for $5800 they should replace the effin' game that my irresponsible 8 year old lost in their office. Don't you think? I'm pretty sure that's a reasonable request. They didn't offer. Sons of bitches.
So it's not at the orthondontist office, it's not in the car, it's not in the cushions of the furniture, it's not in anyone's bed, it's not in the washer or dryer (I checked) ~ it's not anywhere. It's lost and it's not going to be found. The Boy is devastated and wants a new one. Mach One & I are trying to be responsible parents and tell him that if he lost it, he needs to buy a new one with his own money. The Boy can't figure out why the hell Mach One & I are all of a sudden becoming responsible parents. It was a little weird, I have to admit. So life went on in this new, weird parallel universe of responsible parenting and The Boy learned to live without his Nintendo DS. Or he swallowed his testosterone laden pride and played The Girl's pink one when she wasn't looking. Until Friday.
I think we have a ghost in the house. Or a poltergeist. Are they the same thing? Carol Anne? Carol Anne? Don't go near the light. Stay away from the light. That is a poltergeist right? A mean bastard of a poltergeist. I'm pretty sure that's not what we have. Unless you happen upon me at the wrong time of my menstrual cycle. Then I probably count as the mean poltergeist that resides in the house. At least my family thinks so. Personally, I think I'm a peach all day, every day ~ just sayin'. But back to the ghost in our house. The Boy was rifiling through a basket of shit that sits near our TV in the great room. While it's not literally a basket of shit, figurativley a "basket of shit" is a perfect description. Nerf guns, nerf darts, playing cards, yo-yos, Nintendo DS'. WHAT? Nintendo DS'? Sure as shit, The Boy pulled the damn DS out of the basket of shit. How the hell is got there, I'll never know. Nor does he. He swore that he's looked in in a million times. I guess it was the million and one'th time that was the charm.
So the Nintendo DS has been returned to the sweaty paws of it's rightful owner and peace & harmony have been restored in our household. Amen.
Jill! This is too freaking weird! Natalie has lost her DS. It's been missing about a week! I am at my wit's end and turned into freak ass mother when I found out, tearing the house apart piece by piece. I have no idea what to do about it. I'm not forking out $130 plus the games that were in it ... bye, bye Sonic and Mario at the Olympics and an old Scooby Do Game Boy Advance game. She bought the first DS with her own, saved-up money. She cried for about an hour on Saturday after we looked for it to no avail. Hell, I'm not even Catholic, and my sister had me praying to St. Anthony. HA!
I just spent the better part of 30 minutes catching up on your blog. I think I wet myself a little.
Amy
Posted by: Amy | September 16, 2008 at 10:36 PM