Are You Ready For Some Football?

Today, I witnessed what may have been the cutest damn thing I've ever seen in my life.  Eight year olds knocking the shit out of each other on the football field.  That's good, clean fun right there.  It doesn't get much gooder, cleaner or funner than that.  Are gooder and funner words?  I'm thinking no.  Whatev.  It was a blast and I'm so damn proud of my boy.

For those of you who have been following the football journey, you know that The Boy had to lose a few pounds to make the weight limit.  A few.  Like five.  Which for an eight year old is pretty significant.  Hell, for a 40 year old it's pretty significant.  But he had to lose it or he couldn't play.  Because he might crush the other skinny ass whiner babies.  So Mach One has had him on a strict diet and exercise routine.  He's a hard ass, that Mach One.  Except to me.  He's nice to me because I'll withhold sex from him if he's mean to me ~ just sayin'.  But of course, The Boy doesn't have that trump card in his back pocket so exercise he did.  To the tune of running miles around the neighborhood and miles on the treadmill.  Mach One could get a job on The Biggest Loser, no shit.  But his iron fist paid off and this morning, The Boy weighed 90.2 lbs.  The cut off was 91 lbs.  That difference is like taking a crap in the morning.  Seriously.  And believe me, Mach One tried to get The Boy to do just that.  But he's more of an afternoon, at school pooper.  Which is enough to push me right over the edge.  Despite the fact he was full of crap, he still made the weight limit.  Here are few highlights from the game...

 

Now I realize that because I grew him in my womb for the freaking better part of a year, I may be a little partial.  But damn, isn't he good looking?  He takes my breath away.

 

Here they are doing the Hokey Pokey or some shit like that.  Or maybe it's Simon Says.  Simon says, "Put your hands on your hips."  Oh look, everybody but #12 is out.  Clearly, #12 is the smartest and most attractive on the team.  And he has the thinnest mother too.

 

Hey you, #80.  Yeah you, the guy with the big, orange stick thing.  You're blocking my view of my kid.  I don't give a shit that you're marking the yardage or whatever the hell that thing does.  Move it so it doesn't look like a big bullseye right over my kid's head.  He looks like he's getting ready to do something important and I can't see a damn thing because you and your mutant lollipop are right in my way.

 

I have no idea what the hell is going on here.  That is all.  Thank you and goodnight.

 

Ok, here I'm back in my element.  I'm pretty sure ~ almost positive, in fact ~ that the referees are doing the "Soulja Boy" dance for the boys.  For those of you who aren't familiar with the Soulja Boy Dance, the refs appear to be "Supermanning that bitch."  Or they could be "Supersoaking the ho."  But I'm pretty sure they're Supermanning that bitch.  If I had to guess, I'd say that was it.  Who knew that the Soulja Boy dance was such an important part of football.  I, for one, had no clue.  Surprised, aren't you?

 

My kid is in there somewhere.  I have no idea where though.  Maybe I need to dress him up like Waldo so I can find him more easily.  I'm sure that wouldn't result in any extensive therapy in his later years, would it?

 

The winning smile.  He doesn't look like he's going to need braces does he?  Have I mentioned how damn good looking this kid is?  Just want to make sure you're listening.  The score was 6-0.  We win, the other team loses.  Yay us.

Comments

[Tony Archer]

Hi!

I am Supermom from South Arica's Dad. Just loved the humour in your blog. Keep it up! And cricket - well it is something like baseball on Valoids, but still a great game!

[cowgirls' mom]

When girls number 1 and 2 were little and played co-ed soccer (yes, we allowed them to play one year only because they were too young to play instructional league T-ball), all the kids moved in a scrum around the ball. You couldn't tell one head from another so we put a HUGE red bow in their hair - no, HUGE doesn't even begin to describe it -ENORMOUS!!! It was a great way to pick them out of the crowd and thus began the whole "Yea, so what if I wear a bow. It will still hurt if I throw this ball at you" attitude. Maybe you could glue something really big and ferocious to the top of The Boy's helmet - girls #3 and #4 suggested antlers - multifunctional!

[Melany]

How adorable is THAT!? Clearly I have no idea what's going on there but your son is WAY more handsome than the others.... uhm...not that you can see them behind those helmets but I'm sure he is lol