So I've been gone a week and my first post back is about the American Music Awards. Or AMA's if you're one of the cool kids. Did you watch them last night? The AMAs - not the cool kids. Let's rehash some of the highlights, shall we? C'mon - it will be fun.
Fergie - JillyD loves, loves and triple loves Fergie. Although I must say that it's hard for me to look at her without imagining her smoking a crystal meth bong. Is that what you do with crystal meth? Smoke it? What the hell do I know - I only drink margaritas. But I've seen the Faces of Meth with all those losers and their oozing pustules and I just start humming, "If you ain't got no money take your broke ass home." But all previous drug addictions aside, Fergie rocked the damn house. Although she does look like she's been around the block a few times - or forty. But at least her pustules have cleared up - just sayin'.
The Jonas Brothers - Did you see the middle brother fall on his ass in front of 10 billion people? Seriously. At first I felt bad for him. Then I realized that he's like 12 and has more money then I'll ever have in my lifetime. Then I just laughed at him. What a dumbass.
Whoever the hell the shitty band was that slaughtered the Beyonce song - Who the eff were they? And why are they famous? My God, it was like freaking nails on a chalkboard. It's no secret that JillyD thinks that country music should be illegal. Seriously, I hate it that damn much. Frankly, it makes me vomit blood. As if it's not bad enough that they even let these goat ropers perfom on the AMAs (remember, we're the cool kids) they let them torture and kill Beyonce's song. Oh but wait, it gets worse...
Beyonce - What the fuck were you thinking, Beyonce? You should have had a smackdown with those goat ropers - gone all ghetto and shit on them - for slaying your shining glory of a song. But no - you have to go out there and sing with them. It was a disaster. Kind of like your name. Who looks at their newborn and automatically thinks "Beyonce" - she's definitely a Beyonce. Beyonce isn't even a real name for shit sake. And speaking of naming Beyonce, did you see her dad? He had on a sweater. An orange sweater with buttons. It was like a cashmere henley. Do you not own a suit Beyonce's dad? I'm not even talking a tux, dude - just a suit would have worked. His daughter was being awarded the International Artist award and he looked like he was heading out with my dad to play 18 holes. So not only does Beyonce's dad have taste for shit when it comes to picking names for his offspring, he wears ugly ass clothes too. At least he didn't fall down in front of 10 billion people.
Daughtry - I kind of got sick of them winning. And all their songs sound the same. But I enjoy the fact that Chris Daughtry's wife is a chubbette like me. He likes fat chicks, old hottie pants Chris. I love that about him. What I don't love is that his eyes and the permanent eyeliner make him look like Satan. But at least he didn't fall down in front of 10 billion people. Have I mentioned that the pubescent Jonas kid fell down in front of 10 billion people? And I laughed my ass off?
Queen Latifah - who the hell knew that she could sing? Damn, she was awesome. The only song that I know of her's is "U N I T Y." "That's a unity - U N I T Y - who you calling a bitch?" I think the klutz ass Jonas brother probably called someone a bitch - probably one of his brothers - after he fell his ass down.
Oh hell, let's just watch it again...
Remember - he's got more money then any of us will ever see in our lifetime. Feel free to laugh your ass off at him as well. I'm going to watch it again. And again and again. Just sayin'...
Can the dresses get any shorter? Especially, Fergie and Celine Deon(sp).
I did love watching the Jonas Brothers, E and I just kept reverse it to watch it over again and again. Yes, I did let my 10 year old watch the AMA's. I must be a cool mom.
Posted by: Triple L | November 20, 2007 at 02:21 AM
Was that a dress? I think I have shirts that were longer.
Posted by: Mach One | November 20, 2007 at 08:42 PM