Later, LaKisha

And then there were three.  LaKisha is history.  Not that I'm surprised - I honestly think that she had been on borrowed time for awhile.

Let me first start out by saying that she does have a great voice.  However, she sucked so bad on Stayin' Alive that I was ready to pierce my own eardrums with toothpicks just to make it stop.  It was really bad, dawg.  Damn, I think I'm channeling Randy.

Poor LaKisha.  I think she gave her best performance on the very first show and then it was kind of downhill from there.  She was really loud & shouty.  Is shouty a word?  If it's not, I'm making it one - just sayin'.  And I was always so worried that one (or both) of her boobs was going to spring loose from their confines.  Seriously.  It's a live show, people.  If her boob would have popped out, we would have seen it.  And then we would have had to pour bleach in our eyes just to remove the image of that atrocity.  Remember my experience with Regis?  I still have nightmares about that and wake up in a cold sweat, screaming.  And that was a naked guy.  I really have no interest in seeing LaKisha or any other chick naked on the American Idol stage - just sayin'.  So now I don't have to worry about this anymore because LaKisha is LaHistory.

I do feel bad for her though since the City o' Flint was planning a big celebration for her to be filmed next week.  I live pretty close to Flint - unfortunately.  Maybe LaKisha is happy that she won't have to share her hometown with the tv people.  There's really only so many homeless people, crystal meth addicts and prostitutes that you can subject yourself to before you decide to turn the channel.  Turn the channel, people.  Do not subject your children to LaKisha hanging with the prostitutes in the hood - just sayin'.  But when it's all said and done, I'm sure LaKisha won't have to return to her job at the bank.  That's probably been robbed everyday for the past 15 years.  I think she'll end up with a record deal and perhaps move to suburbia.  Maybe she'll move to my neighborhood.  Maybe she'll be my new favorite neighbor.

Before we part, I'd also like to say - what in the name of all that is good and right in the world happened to Barry Gibb?  Holy shit - he looked like death warmed over.  Death warmed over - my mother used to say that all the time.  Isn't that the funniest thing ever?  And now I'm saying it - Lord help us all...

This is the Barry Gibb that I remember.  The Barry Gibb that adorned the walls of my adolescent bedroom.  The Barry Gibb who was the star of my earliest sexual dreams.  Not anymore, mind you.  Now all those dreams star Mach One - just sayin'.  But my point - and I do have one - is that Barry Gibb used to be a hottie pants.  Perhaps in a girly sort of way with the long hair - but the manly beard offset that.  I think Barry may have been a metrosexual before we knew what the hell that was.  But he was cute and I used to heart him a lot.  And I also lusted after his younger brother, Andy.  Remember Andy?  "Love is, higher than a mountain, love is thicker than water.  You are this dreamer's only dream, heaven's angel, devil's daughter."  Does anyone other than me think it's a huge problem that I remember those lyrics from 28 years ago?  I think I may need professional help.  Anway, Barry & Andy were the cute Gibb boys that I triple loved during my own pubescent years.

Fast forward.  I'm now 39 years old and much closer to menopause then puberty.  And this is what has become of Barry Gibb.  Sad, isn't it?  Now granted, I'm sure I'm not nearly as cute as I was 29 years ago either.  I was a pretty damn good looking 10 year old.  But geez, Barry - you look like you're 100 years old, dude.  And what was going on with the teeth?  Were those fake?  Because I have a thing about teeth and his were not good.  And I don't remember them being not good.  Could it be that I'm slightly more critical then I was 29 years ago.  I doubt that.  But poor, old, gray haired, buck toothed Barry Gibb made me sad.  I'm pretty sure that growing old is going to suck out loud - just sayin'.

So now we're down to Jordin, Melinda & Blake.  I think Blake could be on his way out.  I like him - but his schtick is getting a little old.  I'm all about the beat boxing but know when to use it, pal.  Disco songs don't need the beat boxing - just sayin'.  Nor do love songs or church hymns.  Could you imagine Blake's rendition of Ave Maria?  Ah-ah-ah-ah ve, Ma re ah-ah-ah-ah.  That's just plain blasphemous and would require a trip to the confessional.  Melinda is good but boring.  And Jordin rocks the house.  Plus she has great teeth so she gets my vote.

Let me know what you think about last night's show.  Was it LaKisha's time to leave?  What say you?

Comments

[Band Camp]

I am all for Jordin. She has it all going for her. I was thinking the same thing about Barry Gibb. Actually, I was about ready to cry over it! I couldn't believe how he aged. It was really sad.

[Mach One]

I thought it would be Lakisha or Blake. I am hoping that Jordin win.

Barry needs a hair cut. It may have worked for him in the 70's, but the long grey locks do not work for a 60 something year old.

[KDAWG]

I like Jordin and Blake, I wanted LaKisha gone for a while. But I think Jordin has it in the bag. She gets my vote too.