Ok, so where did we leave off? A week ago. When JillyD told you it would be the next day. Sorry, I lied. JillyD shouldn't make lofty promises of next day entries when JillyD's spawn play every sport available in the free world. And maybe in the unfree world too. Basketball, football, softball, soccer. We had all of them this weekend. And when I say "we," I don't mean me. But since I'm one of two adults who can drive in this household, I might as well be getting my ass tackled on the football field since I'm at every game and every practice. So there's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. But back to Applefest.
The last time we gathered, we were discussing boobs, were we not? Like how disturbing it was that our childhood heroine, Pippi Longstocking had grown a set of huge ones? Very disturbing. And that pictures like this adorned each and every one of the kiddie rides...
Obviously this gal is not familiar with Victoria. Or her secret. Underwire support is never a bad thing - just sayin'.
The House of Mirrors is always a fan favorite. Because why the hell wouldn't you want to run your ass into mirror after mirror and breathe in all of the germ and mold spores that are colonizing on the mirrored surfaces that are being peppered with spit and snot from all those who enter. And notice I could have said spit and sperm - the alliteration would have been better - but I exhibited a morsel of self control. Kinda.
The Boy was dipped into a vat of boiling bleach upon his exit from the house of mirrors - just sayin'.
This gal was in charge of said germ haven. I'm pretty sure that she's a descendant of Pocahontas or Sacagawea. Is that how you spell Sacagawea? Who gives a shit? If your name has the word "Sac" in it, it's a problem. Because everyone immediately things "nut sac" and don't tell me you didn't because you'd be lying. I know you people.
So let's all sing a song to Pocahontas, shall we? I've been to the year 2008, and your great, great, great granddaughter is doing great. Except that she probably has to clean the sperm that's left behind in the house of mirrors. And she bathes on a semi-annual basis. And I think she's married to this guy...
Not that there's anything wrong with being dentally challenged. I'm sure he's a lovely man. Like for example, he clearly loves children...
Orthodontia vs. no orthodontia? Or teeth vs. no teeth? I'm planning on taking this picture to The Girl's orthodontist to see if he'd like to use it in his latest ad campaign. That will, of course, involve royalties for me. But clearly, the cool kids have orthodontia AND teeth. Just sayin'...
The local freak show is always a good place for a little self introspection and to gain some perspective on one's self as well. For example, my friend Yo! has been a little down on herself lately. She thinks she's gained a few pounds and is feeling a little un-slender lately. JillyD to the rescue...
Raise your hand if you think Yo! is stunningly svelte. Damn near anorexic, if you ask me. Go have an elephant ear, Yo!. No, really - go ahead. Perspective - it's a beautiful thing.
I will say that the Applefest does have some standards. Like they just don't let anyone into their food tents...
No elephant ears for the chickens. Unless they can convince Yo! to buy them one - or three.
Or maybe this guy will buy them one. And they can check for nose boogers in his cool mirrored shades...
Either way it's a win-win - just sayin'.
The sad state of affairs is that I actually look wider than the other passerby. Maybe I should have thrown some kid in front of me to run decoy!! Remind me to stay far away from your camera in the future!
Posted by: Yo | September 29, 2008 at 12:58 PM
I loved the NO ANIMALS picture!
Posted by: Wenchy | October 08, 2008 at 02:27 AM