Do You Serve Fries With That?

The Guolizhuang Restaurant is in Beijing. There are four franchises in the city
alone, and the chain is expanding: there's one in Atlanta, Georgia, and in Chinatown. The Guolizhuang menu is a broad introduction to the medicinal benefits of eating animal penises and testicles.

Let me remind everyone that JillyD's BFF, Jenni in the Hood is moving to Shanghai.  Which is in China.  Where apparently they eat weiners and nuts on a regular basis.  I think I'd rather die from whatever was ailing me then eat a weiner ~ just sayin'. 

 

Ox penises help manliness. They're cut along the side and shaped into little stars.

Ox penises help manliness?  What the hell does that mean?  If a boy eats an ox dick he'll be able to fart louder?  Or fondle his man parts more often? How does one measure manliness?  If you're JillyD, you measure it by the amount of money that's deposited in my checking account every two weeks.  Manliness is directly proportional to the level in which I can maintain my life of leisure.  No worries for the love of my life, Mach One.  He's manly enough without having to eat an ox schlong.  Thank God for small favors.

  

The yak penis is served with a dragon. In the Guolizhuang restaurant there are more than 30
different animal penises on the menu. And for very special guests there's a list of others.

Holy Mary, Mother of God.  Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death amen.  And how about an extra special prayer for the female yaks of the world.  Do you see the size of that thing?  Or were you too distracted by the dragon?  What the hell is that made of ~ cheese?  Or does the bed of wilted lettuce make it less obvious that there is a 3 foot long penis about to be served to you and a few of your favorite friends?  With friends like that, who the hell needs enemies?  That's all I'm sayin'...

 

'Henry's whip' is the house speciality at Beijing's Guolizhuang restaurant. It's a
sheep's penis on a stick covered in mayonnaise, sweet cheese, served on a bed of
lettuce.

Poor Henry has a pretty small whip, don't you think?  These things look more like Henry's balls on a plate.  Not that I want to eat those either ~ just sayin'.  Is it just me or do these look like mice?  And would you rather eat a mouse or Henry's whip?  Remember, whichever one you choose, there's always the tasty dipping sauce on the side for your palate's pleasure.  Any guesses as to what's in the sauce?  Seriously.

  

The penises are often dipped in soy or hot sauce. For women, eating penises is supposed to be good for the skin.

Raise your hand if you've heard that one before. Apparently the "good for the skin" rumor is a universal pick up line.  Who knew? 

Seriously.  That picture is just wrong on so many levels.  So wrong.  On so many levels...

 

Donkey penis served on a bed of lettuce: For Chinese guests, eating the sexual organs is not a test of courage, but rather a treatment for the libido.

The jackass dick makes the yak look like a small fry, doesn't it.  As far as the libido issue I have one word ~ Viagra.  Or Cialis.  Or celibacy.  All three are better options then deep throating Eyeore ~ just sayin'...

Special thanks to my pal, DixCGirl for sharing this one with me.  And how appropriate that the word "dix" is in her name?  I heart irony.

 

Comments

[jenni from the hood]

Who wants to come to Jenni's next dinner party???

[MammaDuff]

I have never been more thankful that I
am an AMERICAN!!! Three cheers for the Good'Ol US of A!!! Cheesburger anyone?? How about a Bud Light with it??!!!!!

[Triple L]

OMG!!!!!!!!
Why would anyone even think of eating that stuff? Good Luck Jenni with all your meals in China. It has me thinking twice about going to visit.

[Kim in SC/Dixcgirl]

Jill, I knew you'd appreciate the grossness (is that a word?) of my forward! And you thought Chicken Feet were bad!

[Mach One]

I thought that rocky mountain oysters bad - this is just plain wrong.

[Yo]

The woman appears to be gagging. Can you imagine her response to ole Eeyore?!