525,600 Minutes

Who Are You? Who? Who? Who? Who?

Let's play a little game, shall we?  It's not really a game since there are no winners or losers ~ or winners of the losers.  Being the winner of the losers just seems wrong, doesn't it?  Anywho, this game ~ that's not really a game ~ involves all of you telling me, JillyD, who you are!  Now of course it won't work if you're in the witness protection program or on America's Most Wanted list ~ just sayin'.

See that large rectangle ~ to the right, toward the bottom?  I'll wait while you look.  Did ya find it?  Picture me pointing to it.  Do you see it now?  Can you hear me now?  Ok, good, you found it.  That shows me who hearts JillyD and where all of my friends and fans alike are from.  I say friends and fans because if you're a foe, you suck and you shouldn't be here anyway.  Back to the game.  Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to leave a comment in this post giving JillyD a shout out.  Based on my little gizmo in the corner, I have friends in Garden City, Michigan, Oak Lawn, Illinois, some place in Oregon ~ all over the good old U S of A.  And I certainly don't want to forget my pals, Mel & Wenchy from beautiful South Africa.  And in less then a month, I'll have friends checking in from China.  China sucks ~ have I mentioned that?

You don't have to leave your real name in case you are a protected witness ~ I'm all about monikers.  Just let me know who you are (real name or moniker) and where you're from.  And if I know you or not.  Because I've been to Garden City before.  Not that I could come close to finding it now but once upon a time I knew how to get there.  We'll make today "National De-Lurking Day" on JillyD's blog.  Now doesn't that sound fun?  It sounds fun as hell if you ask me.

While all of you are sharing with me, I will be heading up to Yo's cottage for an evening of friends, fun & food.  Too bad booze doesn't start with an F since there will be a lot of that happening too.  We're taking the book club on the road this month!  I promise to share all of the sordid details when I get back.

So what are you waiting for?  Tell me who you are and where you're from ~ it won't hurt, I promise.

An Interview with The Boy - Age 8

This is my son.  My son who was supposed to be my second daughter.  My second daughter who was born with a penis thus making her, um I mean him, my son.  It wasn't that I wanted a second daughter or didn't want a son.  I was fine either way.  It's just that I was convinced that the infant that I was carrying and who battered me in the ribs on a daily basis and used my bladder as a punching bag was female.  I was wrong.  And I've never been so happy to be wrong in my entire life.  My son, my baby boy.  I adore him beyond words.  Would you like to get to know him better?  Well, come on then...

JillyD: Hey man!

The Boy: Hey!

JillyD: What's your name?

The Boy: Mom, you know my name

JillyD: Humor me, would ya?

The Boy: Dane

JillyD: Are you sure?

The Boy: Yes, I'm sure

JillyD: Are you for sure, sure?

The Boy: Yes, Mom

JillyD: Why are you sure?

The Boy: Cuz I know my name

JillyD: Fair enough

JillyD: If you could have had any name in the world, what would you have picked?

The Boy: Drake

JillyD:  Drake?  Like that fat kid on the dumbass show?

The Boy: You shouldn't swear and the fat kid is Josh

JillyD: Whatev on both accounts

The Boy: Huh?

JillyD: Never mind...

JillyD: Who's your favorite mom?

The Boy: You are

JillyD: Good answer, pal

JillyD: And is your favorte Mom lovely and incrediby thin?

The Boy: Sure

JillyD: That didn't sound real sincere.  Here's your chance to redeem yourself.  How thin?

The Boy: A lot thin

JillyD: Alrighty then.  You're back on the right track, my friend.

JillyD: What's your favorite song?

The Boy: Wake Up Call by Maroon 5

JillyD: You mean the one that goes, "Wake up call, caught you in the morning with another one in my bed?"

The Boy: Yep

JillyD: I thought you liked the Usher one - you know, "I want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed." 

The Boy: Oh yeah, I like that one too

JillyD: Will you come visit me when Social Services shows up at my door and hauls me off to jail for being an unfit parent?

The Boy: *Blank Stare*

JillyD: Okey doke, moving along...

JillyD: Let's talk about my thinness again, shall we?

The Boy: I'm bored

JillyD: My thinness is never boring, you got that punk?

The Boy: *Yawns*

JillyD: Do you like school?

The Boy:  Oh hell no (actually he just shook his head vehemently ~ but he was thinking "oh hell no.")

JillyD: What's your favorite subject?

The Boy: Recess

JillyD: And I pay thousands of dollars a year in tuition for you to like recess the best?  What's up with that?

The Boy: Are we done yet?

JillyD: Not even close, dude

JillyD: Who do you like better ~ me or Dad?

The Boy: I like you both

JillyD: I think you have a future in politics

JillyD: Here's a hard one for you.  Who's thinner, me or Dad?

The Boy: Dad

JillyD: Geez, you could have humored me and at least pretended to think about it for oh, a nanosecond.

The Boy: *Furrows his brow*

JillyD: What's your favorite sport?

The Boy: Swimming

JillyD: Why?

The Boy: Because it's fun and you get wet

JillyD: Do you have any words of advice for the blog readers?

The Boy: Always wear underwear and don't take God's name in vain

JillyD: Very sage advice

The Boy: What's sage?

JillyD: You use it to make stuffing at Thanksgiving

The Boy: Are we done yet?

JillyD: Why? Do you have a hot date?

The Boy: Mom!  No!

JillyD: K ~ just checking

JillyD: We're done.  I love you, buddy!

The Boy: I love you too, Mom

Emerging from The Dark Place

*Blink* *Blink*  Walk toward the light.  Don't be afraid of the light, JillyD.  Why would this be so much better if it was the midget from Poltergeist guiding me out from the dark place?  And midget is so policitally incorrect, isn't it?  We'll call her the "little person" from Poltergeist.  Except that I think she's dead.  Half the damn people from those Poltergeist movies are dead.  Did you know that?  Weird shit too ~ like the oldest sister was strangled in her driveway by her crazy ass boyfried.  And little Carole Ann had a bowel obstruction or some shit like that.  No pun intended.  Just goes to show you that you really shouldn't fuck around with the whole Satan thing.  Satan sucks ~ just sayin'....

Hi friends!  I missed you guys ~ I hope you missed me too.  It's been a couple tough months in the life of JillyD.  And because I'm so totally not a mature adult, I don't handle my emotions well and retreat to the dark place when I get sad.  I figured that nobody really gives a shit about my sadness ~ and I don't blame you.  We've all got our own crappy things to deal with.  Some of us just handle things better than others.  JillyD is on the side that doesn't handle thing well.  It's a character flaw, I know.  And I'm working on it but I'm 40 years old for fuck's sake ~ if I were you I wouldn't expect any miracles.

So I guess I need to tell you why I've spent the last two months in the dark place.  Actually I don't need to tell you ~ but I will.  It's part of my therapy.  My BFF, my partner in crime, my Jenni from the Hood is moving.  Not to another town, not even to another state.  But to another country.  And it's not Canada.  It's China.  And my heart is broken.  But worse than my heart being broken is the fact that The Girl's heart is broken because while Jenni is my BFF, you'll also recall that Jenni's middle spawn is The Girl's BFF.  They are leaving at the end of August and will be gone for 4 years.  My stomach actually begins to regurgitate its contents when I type the length of time that they'll be gone.  The Girl will be damn near 16 when they return.  I'll be 44 and most likely sporting a beard from my impending menopause.  I doubt that Jenni will even recognize my shriveled up, bearded ass when she returns.

So now you know why the dark place has been my solace for the past few months.  Aside from the diagnosis of my mother's illness, this is the hardest thing that my fat ass has been through.  I'm devastated and so is The Girl.  That's a lot of devastation.

But it's time to grow up and face reality.  And start to blog again.  So that's what I'm going to do.  Start blogging again.  I sure as hell am not going to grow up because that would just suck.  Me as a grown up ~ can you picture that?  Yeah, me neither.

I'll be back tomorrow ~ we have a lot of catching up to do, don't we?

JillyD Does NYC ~ Day 2 ~ Part 2

So where did we leave off?  Oh, that's right ~ JillyD looking for her next meal.  I'm always looking for my next damn meal.  I plan my days with my meals in mind.  I have a serious food problem.  So you can imagine my dismay when my choice of lunch cuisine was crispy pork intestines, minced duck tongue or this...

What the fuck?  I'm ready to eat my effin' feet and I'm offered the opportunity to eat the chicken's feet?  Who eats this shit?  I'd be anorexic if I lived in Chinatown, just sayin'.  We opted for some type of noodle dish with chicken ~ sans the toes.  And fried rice.  Because you can't really fuck up fried rice, now can you?  Unless you throw a chicken dick or something equally vomit inducing in there.  But I specifically requested no genitalia in our entrees, thanks very much.  I also requested tea to drink.  And somehow I ended up with this...

 

Does anyone else see the shit floating in my cup?  What the hell is that?  The tea looked like a urine sample gone totally wrong.  Like you've got a major infection if you're passing globs of shit through your urethra.  That shit is in need of some serious antibiotics.  Needless to say, I didn't drink the urine sample with the floaties. 

I did, however, make some new friends...

Circle who doesn't belong.  These happy pants were celebrating their "seventy five one" reunion.  We never figured out what the shit that meant.  Is seventy five one actually seventy six?  And were they seventy five one years old or did they graduate in seventy five one?  We never did figure it out but they all loved JillyD - just sayin'.  See old boy leaning in on the right side of the picture?  He kind of got bumped so that I could snuggle up with his buddies and he was having no part of that.  He was getting into the picture, dammit.  The rest of those seventy five one bastards weren't going to squeeze him out again.  I'm sure he was the scapegoat in school and he wasn't taking it anymore, dammit.  So he nearly jumped into JillyD's back pocket in order to have his moment with me.  I'm very popular among the seventy five one crowd.  Who knew?  No one, that's who.

So after gorging ourselves on seaweed and chicken nuts, we hit Canal Street.  Home of the knock offs.  Not be be confused with the home of the knocked up.  Although I'm sure there's some knocking up taking place in the back alleys.  Luckily, we saw no knocking up take place.  We did, however see this.  I think Yo and I had one too many pork intestines...

After we fled from the car we broke, we ended up shopping for purses.  And when I see "we," I mean Jenni & JZ.  This is how Canal Street works.  You walk an inch and someone says, "handbag."  Then you walk another inch and someone - generally of Asian descent - says, "Gucci, Prada, Coach."  Then you walk another inch and a different someone says, "handbag."  And every now and again, Chow Ming might throw in "movie" instead of handbag.  Then you're totally fuckin' confused and you actually consider buying the freakin' movie just because it's not a handbag.

So Jenni & JZ are in the handbag orgasm capitol of the Universe.  We're walking down the street and out of nowwhere, Ching Ling says, "handbag."  And instead of ignoring her, Jenni says, "Coach?"  And old girl crooks her finger and the next thing I know, all four of us are in her shop.  Except we're walking through her shop, toward the back.  Where a barely past puberty Chinese dude is standing guard.  He opens up a secret passage in the back wall (I shit you not) and motions us inside the secret room.  At this point, I have my cell phone predialed to 911, ready to press "send" as soon as I know that we're all going to be murdered.  Or sold to the Sultan of Brunei as his newest sex slaves.  JZ walks into the tiny room and looks down a dark set of stairs and says, "Oh, hell no."  And I say 14 Hail Mary's and thank God for giving me friends with sense.  Or so I thought.  Before you can say "white slavery," this chick emerges from the dungeon and JZ & Jenni strike up a conversation with her.  That bitch convinced them it was "safe" and then next thing I know, JZ say's, "I think we should ALL go down there."  Is she fucking kidding, me?  Has JZ never watched Law & Order: SVU?  I had no interest in becoming a special victim despite the fact that I heart Mariska Hargitay.  I'll pass on the sexual assualt, thanks very much.

Next thing I know, my BFFand JZ are heading down the stairway to hell.  Yo and I, in our infinte wisdom, remained above ground.  I gave them about two minutes and called Jenni's cell phone.  She answered and I asked her if she was being murdered.  Luckily, she was not.  Ten minutes later, Jenni emerges with God only knows how many effing purses, and JZ has more than Jenni.  Knowing that my friends are safe, JillyD breathes a sigh of relief and indicates that she is ready for a margarita.  The stress of my friends being sold into sexual slavery was a bit much for my system that was housing not tequila at that very moment.  But no.  Jenni & JZ wanted to check out one more place.

It was a scary warehouse with multiple closed doors.  It was like a seriously fucked up version of that game show ~ what the hell was that called?  Let's Make a Deal ~ yeah, that's the one.  A fucked up version of Let's Make a Deal and buy a contraband handbag while you're at it.  Here's what that scary ass place looked like.  Don't I look nice and relaxed?

Do you see the shadowy figure behind me?  I'm pretty sure he was a serial killer, just sayin'.  We got the hell out of that place when we heard one of the "customers" say that there damn well better be shoes in that place because if she had to go to jail AGAIN, she wouldn't get out unit Monday since it was the weekend.  Seriously.  I almost vomited my chicken feet right on the spot.  We hightailed it out of the den of sin, 232 handbags in tow, and found the safety of our tour bus.  Because I had a little nervous energy to burn, I decided to hijack the microphone.  The tour guide, who was at least 411 years old, wasn't amused.  Look at him sneaking up behind me to reclaim his microphone - bastard...

Look how lovingly Yo is gazing at me.  I think she wants to propose.  Except that someone already proposed to me the first day.  Sorry, Yo - JillyD's not available.

We toured the remainder of the Lower East Side - or something like that.  These are "tenement" buildings.  Remember that song, "Love Child" by Diana Ross and The Supremes?  Or maybe she had already turned into a diva bitch and ditched The Supremes.  At any rate, there is a mention of tenements in that song.  I'll never bitch about my dryer again, just sayin'...

Could you imagine hanging your dainty underthings off the balcony of your tenement building?  At least they washed their sheets.  I have a thing about clean sheets - I've mentioned that before, right?  So points for the laundry displayers because at least their sheets were clean.  I think.  Maybe they weren't.  Now I feel a little vomitous again.  Is vomitous a word?  I just made it one - just sayin'.

Next up - how many Cosmopolitans can one human consume?

JillyD Does NYC - Day 2 - Part 1

So our story left off with me, JillyD, sans pajamas, in the middle of The Big Apple.  With one bed to share between me and my BFF, Jenni.  Now I heart Jenni and Jenni hearts me - but not in THAT way.  We're good with sleeping together as long as her ass didn't try to spoon my ass in the middle of the night.  Especially my naked ass, just sayin'.  Only one person gets to spoon with my naked ass and that's Mach One - and that's probably a visual that none of you needed.  I'll wait while you go and pour bleach in your eyes.  Seriously, go ahead.

Since I know you're all worried about the sleeping arrangements, I'll ease your troubled minds right now.  Jenni and I slept together but I managed to purchase an "I Heart NY" shirt in size XL between the wedding proposals and the Matt Lauer sighting.  So I slapped on that bad boy, claimed my side of the bed and told Jenni that I'd punch the shit out of her if she touched me in the middle of the night.  She didn't because she's skeered of me - just sayin'.

The first stop on Day 2 of JillyD Does NYC was a coffee shop.  And not just any coffee shop.  JillyD's coffee shop.  Isn't it lovely that the New Yorkers welcomed me with personlized signs throughout the city.  What a lovely bunch they are - when they aren't trying to rob or rape you in an alley.  But more about that later.  For now, who the hell knew that Mach One was the heir of a coffee dynasty?  Not me - and he had no effing idea either...

With coffee in hand, our posse boarded the uber touristy double decker tour bus to cart our asses through the city.  Our tour guide was an "actor" - aren't we all?  And he had a little, crusty booger under his nose for the entire ride.  Do you tell strangers they have a booger hanging out of their nose?  Friends - absolutely.  I'm not going to let my homeys run around with a big, dangly greenie hanging out of their nose.  But a stranger - what to do?  I just made sure I didn't take any pictures of him and his snot.  Because who wants pictures of snot?  And do you prefer snot or booger?  Inquiring minds want to know.  Here's JillyD, Jenni and JZ in Times Square.  Use your imagination and pretend that the ball is dropping right behind us on New Year's Eve.  While you're at it, use your imagination and imagine that I'm a svelte 120 pounds, k?

We also saw the Empire State Building.  I wanted to bungee jump off of it but my traveling partners said no.  Can you imagine?  Can you also imagine that The World Trade Center buildings towered over the Empire State Building?  And how shitty it is that we'll never see those buildings again?  It's been seven years and it still pisses me off every day...

Although they didn't want to bungee jump off the Empire State Building, the posse begged me to make a stop here.  Of course I said no since I'm the moral compass of the group.  Jenni cried when I told the bus driver to keep moving.  Nothing to see at the Museum of Sex, now is there?  But let's comtemplate this just for a moment, shall we?  What the hell do you see at the Museum of Sex?  Like old condoms and shit?  That just made me throw up a little in my mouth.  Any ideas as to what's in the Museum of Sex?  Anyone, anyone?  Dr. Ruth - are you out there?

I bet these people know what's in the Museum of Sex - just sayin'.  I exchanged email addresses with them and have every intention of adding them to my 2008 Christmas Card list...

And just when I thought it didn't get any better than having various and sundry coffee houses bearing my husband's surname, imagine my delight in the literary selections that pepper NYC...

Damn, I Heart New York!

Day 2 - Part 2 will focus on our afternoon in Chinatown.  Here's a little sample of our lunch choices...

Did we go with the Duck Tongue or Crispy Pork Intestines?  Tune in tomorrow to find out...

JillyD Does NYC - Day 1

Ding, ding ding - we have several winners.  Ok, really only one since Mach One and Triple L actually knew where JillyD was and Uncle Garr did not - at least I don't think she did.  But what the hell do I know, really?  Nothing, that's what.  As you'll recall in the last edition of "Where is JillyD?", JillyD was ambushed by her BFF, Jenni in the Hood and the other partners in crime, Yo and JZ.  On a side note, where fuck is the comma supposed to go in that sentence above?  The one with the JillyD in quotes and then I needed a comma to separate my thoughts.  Somebody who is smarter than a 5th grader needs to tell me since I'm pretty damn sure that I didn't put it in the right place.  But who the hell cares - let's talk more about my trip to NYC.

If you didn't figure it out by now - I was in New York City - that'd be NYC if you're a cool kid.  My friends showed up at 4:03 AM on Friday morning, jumped on my naked ass and told me to get my naked ass in the shower.  Then they helped me pack a bag so that my naked ass would be clothed and they wouldn't have to look at it for 3 days straight and drove my unsuspecting naked ass to the airport.  Except that I was in fact, not naked anymore.  Thank God for that.  Since I don't do well with being roused at the crack ass of dawn - and don't mistake "roused" for "aroused" (although I don't want to be aroused at 4:03 AM either - just sayin') I had no effing idea what we were doing or where the hell we were going.  Jenni pulled up curbside at the airport and I nearly shit because I can't fly without my rosary or scapular.  That's because I'm such a good, Catholic person who hasn't been to Mass in months - isn't that nice?  One way ticket to hell for me - especially after this weekend.  Anywho, back to my story.  Jenni broke into "Start spreading the news, we're leaving today" and that's when my dumbness lifted and I figured it out.  Then I started crying because I'm an emotional basketcase, whiner baby.  An hour and a half later, I was in a taxi cab heading toward Manhattan.  And I had sucked up my tears - just sayin'...

Being the very good, virginal Catholic girls that we are, our first stop was St. Patrick's cathedral.  It was breathtaking.  I lit a candle, thanked God for my amazingly fantastic friends and asked Him to not let any of us succumb to alcohol poisoning during our 3 day tour of The Big Apple.  Amen.  Here's JillyD, Jenni and JZ in front of the altar at St. Pat's.  Which seems slightly sacreligious as a tourist spot, doesn't it?  But we went and took pictures anyway.  And since we were there, that counts as Mass attendance for this week, right?  Damn right, it does?  I really shouldn't be using any swear words in the same paragraph about the cathedral, should I?  Bless me Father for I have sinned.  So how that whole confession thing comes in handy?

Next stop - Rockefeller Center.  Home of the NBC Studios.  We saw Matt Lauer walking out of the building.  Swear to God.  I was like, "There's Matt Lauer!"  And Jenni yelled, "Hey Matt!" and he rolled his eyes and gave us a half ass wave.  Whatever, Matt.  We were excited to see your dumb ass even though JillyD is a GMA fan.  Jenni bitched me out for not having my camera ready but I don't even like Matt Lauer so it was all good.  I do, however, enjoy M&M's - which was the main ingredient of this lovely NBC peacock that we all posed in front of....

Let me tell you something about group shots in NYC.  You don't get many of them.  Because fuckers will steal your camera in a heartbeat when you hand it over and start to pose.  They'll run their asses of with your camera while you're trying to figure out if you have shit in your teeth from your little Oreo granola bar cookie snack thing.  So you have to be a really good judge of character when choosing the photographer.  I always went with a fat girl - just sayin'.  And since I am a fat girl, I can say that since I know that my fat ass couldn't make it very far down the streets of New York while trying to boost a tourists camera.  See how logical, I am? 

Next up - the Subway.  Not Subway as in a turkey and cheese on wheat minus the shitty ass olives.  The Subway.  As in the venue of numerous rapes and murders in NYC.  Remember the Guardian Angels and their very fashionable red berets?  Yeah, it's that subway.  We bought a "fun pass" and took that bitch all around Manhattan.  Speaking of bitches - and we were - the "helper" in the bullet proof information booth was a total bitch.  She was so not interested in helping us figure out how to get to Ground Zero.  Hated her.  Here we are, heading into what appears to be Hell.  Don't worry - we made it out alive...

Yo ended up in some guy's lap on the subway.  Swear to God.  It happened right when I was telling her that I had ended up in some guy's lap the first time I rode the subway.  The words hadn't left my mouth and the next thing I know, Yo is sprawled, all spread eagle and shit, on this dude's lap.  I think he might have liked it - just sayin'.  Yo made friends everywhere we went.  Here's an excellent example of Yo and her animal magetism with members of the opposite sex.  Clearly, he was ready to propose...

How YOU doin'?

   

And this guy proposed to me.  But I said no...

This brought tears to my eyes...

And so did this...

We left Ground Zero and subwayed it back to Tribeca - that would be the Triangle Below Canal - for a freaking fantastic late lunch.  I had some garganelli short rib spaghetti thing.  It was like an orgasm on a plate.  And I ate it all - just sayin'.  Then it was time to head to Broadway.  Gonna dance, gonna sing so I'm headin' for Broadway - gonna see my name shining in lights.  Did anyone ever see that movie?  I think it was called "Headin' for Broadway" - that's very original, isn't it?  Anyway, we saw "Curtains" with David Hyde Pierce.  He's the dude from Frasier.  I never watched Frasier but I recognized him.  He's a very little man.  The play was a hoot and JillyD with her love of live theatre was the only one that managed to stay awake during the entire production.  Yo was snoring next to me and Jenni & JZ both dozed off a time or two.  Lightweights, all of them.

The play ended and we headed back to the hotel.  Where we discovered that our room didn't have two double beds - just one King size bed.  And JillyD, in her haste to pack a bag and get her ass on the road with her crazy friends who were in her house at the crack ass of dawn, forgot to pack pajamas.  You can only imagine Jenni's reaction to that little faux pas.

To Be Continued...

Where in the World is JillyD?

Yesterday morning at 4:03 AM - please take special note of the AM part - JillyD was kidnapped.  Ambushed in her own bed.  And JillyD sleeps naked - so you can imagine the surprise that the ambushers got - just sayin'.  Is "ambusher" a word?  If it's not, it should be.  It's much kinder and gentler then "kidnapper" don't you think?

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to figure out "Where in the World is JillyD?"  Here's a clue:

You'll notice that JillyD is in no danger - that should make your heart sing.  So now you know the kidnappers, um, I mean ambushers were a friendly roving tribe of pygmies.  Or were they pygmies at all?  That's part of the mystery now, isn't it?

Three more clues before JillyD must depart for the day.  She was last seen with this kid - who sadly enough could only fit two fingers up his nose - it's always so much more fun when they try to go for 3 or 4...

And this family wants JillyD to come live with them and be their mother and love slave - er, I mean wife...

What the hell is on this guys head?  Is that a dead beaver?  And do those kids curl those tendril things with a curling iron?  And is JillyD going to hell for mocking people - particularly spiritual people?  I think we already know the answer to the hell question... 

So there you have it - your first set of clues.  If you know where JillyD is - keep your trap shut, ok?  Let the others play along or I'll kick your ass out of the sandbox.  More clues coming to soon to a blog near you.

But in the meantime, please know that JillyD is safe and has the BEST BFF on the planet.

Priceless

Cost of video game that was manufactured in freakin' China and that we really don't need: $259.00

Cost of extra controllers that don't come with the damn Chinese manufactured game: $50.00

Cost of extra games for the freakin' Chinese manufactured game console: $40.00

The look on The Boy's face when he opened his 8th birthday present...

 

PRICELESS!

Lordy, Lordy, Look Who's 40!

That would be me - JillyD!  I've entered into the fourth decade of my life.  I'm not exactly sure how that happened considering that I still act like I'm 12.  And not even a 12 year old girl - much closer to a 12 year old boy.

But the truth is, I'm 40 today - and I'm good with it.  So raise your maragarita glass with me and let's toast to the 40's being the best decade yet!  Goodbye to my 30's - thanks for the memories.

An Interview with The Girl - Age 11

This is my daughter.  I'm not exactly sure when she ended up looking like this but this is in fact, her.  When I grow up, I want to be her.  Who am I kidding?  I'll never be as cool as her.  Let's get to know her a little better, shall we?

JillyD: What's your name?

The Girl: Paige

JillyD: How old are you?

The Girl: 11

JillyD: Are you sure?

The Girl: Yes

JillyD: How do you know you're 11?

The Girl: Because I'm 11

JillyD: Who do you like better - me or Dad?

The Girl: Don't ask me that

JillyD: Do you think I'm skinny?

The Girl: Don't ask me that either because if I say the wrong answer you'll be all "blah!"

JillyD: Aww, come on.  Exactly how skinny do you think I am?

The Girl: Skinnier than a lot of people

JillyD: Who's fatter than me?

The Girl: Rosie O'Donnell

JillyD: Thank God for small favors...

JillyD: What's your favorite sport?

The Girl: Softball

JillyD: Why?

The Girl: Because it's fun and I love it.

JillyD: Who's funnier - me or Dad?

The Girl: You.  Dad has a dry sense of humor.  You have a wet sense of humor.

JillyD: A wet sense of humor?  Is that a compliment?

The Girl: Yes, it is.

JillyD: K - I'll take your word for it.

JillyD: What's your favorite number?

The Girl: 9

JillyD: What do you think of puberty?

The Girl: AHHHHH - I knew this interview was going to involve that.

JillyD: Why are you screaming like a lunatic?

The Girl: UGHHHH - are we done yet?

JillyD: Would you rather discuss menstruation?

The Girl: Mother! Noooooo-uh

JillyD: Who knew that "no" was a two syllable word?

JillyD: Should we go back to talking about how skinny and funny I am?

The Girl: Sure

JillyD: Who's your BFF?

The Girl: SammyMaiz

JillyD: I thought I was your BFF.  Now I'm going to cry.

The Girl: Mom....

JillyD: Just kidding.

JillyD: Do you think you're more responsible than say, me?

The Girl: A little bit

JillyD: You keep me out of trouble, don't you?

The Girl: Yes

JillyD: Anything else you'd like to say?  Feel free to elaborate on my skinniness and funniness.

The Girl: My parents are the best parents in the world and I love them.  Peace out to all my peeps - inlcluding my mom's peeps!

JillyD: That's a little ghetto, don't you think?

The Girl: No - well, kinda

JillyD: Any other words of wisdom you'd like to share?

The Girl: Live, Laugh, Love and BELIEVE

JillyD: I think you're a pretty cool kid.

The Girl: Thanks, Mommy.  Now I'm going to cry.

JillyD: I love you, Shorty!

The Girl: I love you too, Mommy!

JillyD: Now go finish your spelling...

The Girl: K - see ya!